I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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