a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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