I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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