Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pooping to opera.
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