Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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