what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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