my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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