I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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