my phone needs a breathalizer
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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