Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.

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(610): The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem. http://tfl.nu/6hmf

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(404): View more from Georgia

My penis looks like a roll of pennies

(303): View more from Colorado

Oh. Ok. I get the hint.

(404): View more from Georgia

Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...

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(404): My penis looks like a roll of pennies (303): Oh. Ok. I get the hint. (404): Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird... http://tfl.nu/xs9r

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(208): View more from Idaho

I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

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(208): I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome. http://tfl.nu/laeb

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

worst lay ever....

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

as long as you cum, there is no bad sex

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement

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(403): worst lay ever.... (780): as long as you cum, there is no bad sex (403): ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement http://tfl.nu/cjn6

Replies (32) Good night (560) Bad night (6625)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.

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(803): I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone. http://tfl.nu/wy7e

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(203): View more from Connecticut

using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.

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(203): using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs. http://tfl.nu/lgyg

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(404): View more from Georgia

I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?

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(404): I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/vakp

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(303): View more from Colorado

No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

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(303): No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question http://tfl.nu/r4al

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(419): View more from Ohio

His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch

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(419): His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch http://tfl.nu/wbxj

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(925): View more from California

i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.

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(925): i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/zp0f

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(203): View more from Connecticut

His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

Same.

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(203): His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews (1-203): Same. http://tfl.nu/citv

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(+61): View more from Australia

I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

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(+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind

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(303): I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind http://tfl.nu/1u44

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(269): View more from Michigan

It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...

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(269): It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom... http://tfl.nu/xo96

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(712): View more from Iowa

You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.

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(712): You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home. http://tfl.nu/2ggi

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