The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize