I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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