I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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