can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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