I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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