I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize