Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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