I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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