3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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