sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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