just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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