I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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