I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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