you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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