i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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