I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize