If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize