6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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