i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize