So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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