also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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