oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk is not a location!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize