I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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