hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize