God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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