Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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