the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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