So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize