So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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