Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize