Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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