dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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