You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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