I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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