she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize