your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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