The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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