I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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