i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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