I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize